There is a beautiful, electric mix of trusting and unease swirling around inside me. I feel open. Arms thrown out wide, inviting the Universe to lead me, to show me the way.

But the unease is there. Floating on the surface like leftover oil in a pan. It’s polluting. But the tension between the two is quite interesting to experience. It’s a battle of the head and the heart.

‘Will we be okay?’ my head is worrying.

My heart extends out a hand to my weary head. ‘Yes’, she whispered, ‘we will be okay’.

The more I understand myself, the more I am drawn to breaking down any label or idea of who I should be. I want to just be.

The pressures of society are stifling.

I wish I could go back to my younger self.

You do not need to be married.

You do not need to follow the rules.

There is no need to follow blindly along the path society has so graciously lit for you.

There is a more fulfilling path, just around the corner.

It’s rocky. No doubt about that.

There are swarms of creatures, in the shapes of your loved ones, telling you to go back. Telling you that the other path is easier. They want the best for you but what even is the best?

No. This path is your destiny.

You are carving your way forward.

Your nails are dirty and broken, you have scratches on your face. You are wild.

But the exhilaration of journeying on your own is intoxicating.

Every now and then you will reach an oasis.

The views are incredible. So vibrant. The awe you will feel will just about swallow you up whole.

Your heart is bursting with gratitude.

You bask in the glow of the sun. You bathe your weary self in the river.

And then, you carry on.

This was written in January 2022, as I chose to leave my marriage and chose to create a life my 8-year-old self, and 80-year-old self would be proud of.

And I wouldn’t change a thing.

Not even for all the stars in the sky.